From the days of our early childhood when we are told fairy tale stories, we are preprogrammed with the assumptions of how happy and fulfilling life should be.

Life will be difficult at the beginning. But eventually we will be saved by a handsome prince. A kiss, wedding, and they lived happily ever after. The end.

Life is never that simple. Must everything outside of this scenario be considered dreadfully unfair and a failure?

Only the brave fall in love. Falling in love is as dangerous as diving head on from a high cliff into uncharted waters.  You might find warm welcoming depth or be hurt by hidden rocks.

Being in love is happy and tragic at the same time. The deep connection to another living and breathing human being with his/her own emotions, stories and experiences is challenging and intimidating.

We are supposed to open up to fall in love as there is no love without trust. But it leaves us dangerously exposed.

As we fall in love, we connect emotionally, physically and energetically. Our energies and desires pull us together as our egos pull us apart and our emotions swing to extremes. Many people are surprised that falling in love total agony. And many will walk away because it does not look like a “happily ever after” fairy tale.

As we face challenges in our relationship as lovers, as friends and as partners in crime, it is up to us to choose what we do with it. The simple truth is: love is a choice we make every day, not just on the day of the first kiss.

Love is hard work. Love has ups and downs. Love has breaking points and mending points. In such turmoil it is our choice to use our relationships as a tool for personal growth or a source for endless suffering.

In love we face our raw emotions, old wounds, and superstitions we carry from previous relationships with parents, friends, lovers, and co-workers. Our partner brings his own emotions, wounds and experiences. The balance you both are trying to achieve is very complex and multilayered.

There are two ways we can approach these challenges. We can walk away. It seems easy but it gives us no resolution to our emotional problems and no personal growth. We just lost the opportunity to become more resilient and face the world as a better, happier person. It keeps us suffering. It keeps us looking again and again for Mr. Right without acknowledging that every partner we met is Mr. Right. He is there for us to face our problems, not to run away from them.

The second choice is to stay and face our deepest fears, wounds and grow spiritually. This approach makes us stronger. It makes love deeper or helps us naturally disconnect from unsuitable partner to seek more harmonious relationships.

So how we change the shouting match and cold shoulder treatments into personal and spiritual growth? Through Love Alchemy. Through meditation with these simple but very difficult steps:

Become aware that every problem, every confrontation and every anguish is YOUR problem, YOUR ego, and YOUR anguish.

Two things might happened during this stage: you still believe that those disagreeable complications to your relationship are not happening because of you. Well… But it is your reaction that makes the difference between a conversation and a conflict. When someone says “I’ll be late” it does not mean they are cheating on you as your last partner. This person is very much different. It was your suspicions and your reactions that made it a tragedy. Admit: your happily married friend Jenny would not show even the slightest distress by the news that her husband will be late. She thinks it is very considered of him to let her know about it. And instead of torturing herself with the question “does he still love me?” she picks up the phone and calls you to ask for a girls night out together. Isn’t that much more fun? Can you see?.. Congratulations! That was a huge step. If you are still unconvinced, return to #1 and continue doing it until you have an epiphany.

Become aware of all painful emotions you experience. Don’t name them. Just imagine them as ball of dark smoke.

Ask yourself a question: what experiences in my past made me react this way?

Become aware of your past experiences and emotions

With each breath accept these emotions, no matter how painful, as a part of you. Let them sink into your body. Permit your body to absorb these emotions. Trust your body to heal and balance these emotions. Breathe out unconditional love towards every single person in the world including yourself and your partner.

It is important not to judge or punish yourself for having these emotions. Life is a journey. We don’t come fully trained. It is natural to get angry, jealous or depressed. Every single human in the world experienced these emotions at least once in their lifetime.

Emotions never make us a good or a bad person. What we do with emotions makes us good or bad.

Now recall recent situation with your partner that started it all. You might find yourself looking at it differently. You might realize that your partner is not a sadistic lunatic whose only goal in life is to torture you. But a living, breathing human soul who suffers from the last ugly shouting match as much as you do.

Great! Call it an awakening, call it personal growth or call it new negotiation skills. Now you are free. You are free to stay and you are free to go. You just used your personal relationship to become a better, stronger, happier person. You just went through the Love Alchemy.